So...before I forget...I get home from a ten and a half hour shift on Sunday...that seems like a million hour shift because it was so slow and someone is knocking on my front door. Why is this strange you ask? Well, I've gotten used to the fact that I hardly ever have visitors and when I do, I know they are coming. :p There is a stranger on my front porch and she asks (in the screechiest voice I've ever heard) "Is this house for rent?" I'm stunned....what? Oh yeah..I'm moving...so, "yeah...in October...I'm living here until the 1st." She says, "Oh...do you mind if I look around?" I'm blindsided and end up accommodating her because my brother is with me..keep in mind I would never let anyone into my house without someone being there...I proceed to show her around the house rattling off my "laundry list" of things never fixed and falling apart...I'll be damned if I'm gonna give these landlords and this house a good review, HA!! I feel as if I've done my good deed for the day...helping a stranger out...YOU DO NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE!!! TRUST ME!! We send an email to our landlords asking them to edit their craigslist ad...please say that it's occupied until the first of next month and they throw a fit and are growing even more agitated about our request for a walk-through..we have pretty much come to terms with the fact that they are going to screw us over no matter what we do, but we are trying out damnedest not to let that happen.Well, anyways....starting from the beginning....Saturday turns out to be a relatively slow day at work and I feel myself getting lonelier and lonelier with every passing minute and all the heavy extra cleaning I really shouldn't be doing right now with my back the way it is. I should back up and just say it...it's really tough saying it...but I have been suffering from panic/anxiety attacks for a while now...which I'm pretty sure stems from depression. (don't worry, I'm calling my doctor tomorrow about some sort of help with it) Now don't freak out...I'm really not that bad...or at least I wasn't...it seems as the move date approached and passed the attacks got more frequent and harder to control. Yesterday evening Fletcher told me that the bank is going to have him working 6 day weeks...probably for the next few months (and before you say...you can go up sometimes and see him instead of him coming to see you...know that we have tried every combination and it just isn't in the cards...i've come to terms with that now) so our plan of him coming down at least every other weekend is gone :( I get to see my husband for maybe two days later this month and then probably not again for at least a couple months :/ Well, I got agitated...more so than even I realized...and one thing led to another and I got so worked up that I couldn't breathe and I couldn't make it stop...this went on for about an hour before I was able to get calmed down, with Fletcher's help. I've been avoiding bringing this up to the doctor because I guess I didn't want to admit that I'm having a problem...and one that I can't fix to boot. A part of me was even ashamed...that I can't control my own body....I've been reading online the last day and read that 1 out of every 10 adults has some form of depression...ranging from mild..to debilitating. I've decided..with some discussion with Fletcher and my friend Sam that it's probably best if I talk to my doctor about getting some medication to help control these attacks...at least for the next few months because well....being apart from Fletcher is upsetting me and makes me emotional and more prone to these attacks. I hope that none of my friends or family..or even strangers that might be reading this deal with these problems but know that if you do...I know it's hard but it helps to talk about it. I'm finding that no one thinks any less of me because I have this problem...I've had nothing but support and that makes me feel so loved :) Moving on..now that the serious stuff is out of the way ;)
So, after this attack...I try to get some shuteye...I take a sleeping pill thinking..yes..I need sleep. Haha, yeah right. I wake up sort of half remembering(wondering if I dreamed the whole thing) talking to my friend Sam on skype..but I know I didn't because she's in France and with the time change she wasn't up before I went to bed. So I ask her about it and sure enough....I SLEEP-SKYPED...if this isn't a work..it is now haha!! I have done sleep walking...sleep talking...the whole nine yards...but this is ridiculous...I guess I better start sleeping with my phone downstairs!! hahaAnways...I get up Sunday morning and head to my ten hour shift at the coffee shop and start my day with a quad-DECAF-iced americano. Doctor's order's...no caffeine :( I don't have any customers for about an hour and then the second couple that walk's in order's an Umpqua Oats Oatmeal Bowl..let just explain this real quick. The directions say...shake thoroughly...lift lid...fill with water to the fill line...replace lid and let sit for 3-4 minutes...it's always worked before. Apparently, every oatmeal bowl I've dealt with has had a wonderful..tight sealing lid because the following picture is only half of what it looks like when you receive a bowl with a faulty lid.
It was in my hair..my ears..OMG..they seem so small on the outside but holy crap! do they somehow shrink the oatmeal and fit twice as much in? haha..I was so tired I was able to laugh about it though. As I get "Dude!" and "Woah!" from the only two people in the shop. It was so ridiculous...so after I sweep up the mess..I make the mistake of realizing that I've gotten some oatmeal down my shirt...I try to get it out and cover the floor yet again with oatmeal..I repeat...how much oatmeal can you fit in one of those containers? Haha! And the day only gets better when I continually run out of key ingredients to items that are best sellers lol, all the while...continually dropping things and making a mess because once you start you are messed up for the whole day...the rhythm is just off. I drop a gallon of milk...thank god it wasn't too close to me when it shot up out of the gallon as it hit the ground...and all I'm gonna say is coffee grounds can really make a mess ;)Even after all that and coming home to possible tenants for my current house I manage to corral my brother who has been staying the past couple weekends with me..keeping me company. :) Many of you know that my brother and I are very close...during some family troubles he came and lived with Fletcher and I. He helped me when my back pain was in its worst last week..doing the dishes and laundry and practically ripping the grocery bags from my hands as I tried to pick up what he deemed as "too heavy for someone with a hurt back" hahahahah!! I love my little brother so much :) Thank you Ben for taking care of me the past week.
Then I get a call from my sister Ricki...she has decided to make dinner for myself and Ben AND she's taking him to school in the morning so I can sleep in!! I know, I know right!?! What an awesome support group I've got with these two around...I will miss them(and the rest of my family lol) when I finally move up to Portland..but until then I'm moving in with Ricki and my other sister Brianna...should be fun and interesting to say the least. She makes one of my favorites...a recipe that my mother came up with...we affectionately call it Parmesean Chicken :) Yummm!!!
Last but not least, I wore one of my hair creations today to work and it put me in one heck of a crafty mood. :) Now that all I've got is little touches here and there left to do on the costumes for Pennypacker I've got some time to work on projects that have been sitting getting dusty...some new ones that I can't share because the recipient's could be reading this right this very minute. Even in France ;) hahaha!! I've got loads of friend and family birthdays coming up and am so excited to be creative for each and every one of them. I promised some of you an Etsy account would be coming...so my next goal is to work on some inventory to open it up...I refuse to say when it will be up because you all know me and my life and who the hell knows what will happen next. So I leave you with this :) (I know this is a really long one..thanks for bearing with me)
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond your imperfections." -Unknown
Love,
Amanda
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